Often the shape and direction of your text do not become apparent until you have done some revision during the process. This will help to create a better structure and provide the reader with a clear sense of direction.In the second workshop we look at the draft of a letter from an NGO which shows a number of common communication problems. All the information is there but it is not reader-friendly. It does not give the reader clear direction about the text's topic, purpose and intended outcome. Also, it does not meet its business brief, which is to request a meeting.
How can it be improved?
Getting the message across means giving the reader a better route map. The letter needs to be:
* better organised in terms of paragraphs
* clearer in its purpose - to suggest cooperation and request a meeting
* more aware of its target audience (a refugee NGO)
* more concise in its use of language (too many long words!)
Revise, Revise.....
In this activity we 
can see the role that revision plays in drafting an important, non-routine text. Revision is not just about content; it is also about the flow of ideas and getting the right tone for the audience. It is about trying out different phrases, and feeling free enough to reject, change and combine words. You need to be a bit playful when drafting.
can see the role that revision plays in drafting an important, non-routine text. Revision is not just about content; it is also about the flow of ideas and getting the right tone for the audience. It is about trying out different phrases, and feeling free enough to reject, change and combine words. You need to be a bit playful when drafting.
Here are some tips on revision and drafting:
* Don't feel that you have to write from start to finish in a linear way. Instead, plan your text in sections without sentences (use only keywords). Then write phrases that you know will be needed in each section.
* When you get stuck, don't make it worse for yourself by struggling to think of better words. Instead, move to another part of the letter, write something else and then come back to your 'stuck' sentence. You may find that working on another part of the text gives you the words you need elsewhere.
* If you have a close colleague who will look at your early drafts, use him or her to get feedback. No matter how long you spend on your draft, you will never quite know what impact it will have until you try it out on a reader.
Holding Writing Together Choose your Keywords
Identify the keywords and pieces of information which can be used in each paragraph. Instead of sentences, note down useful words and phrases. In this letter, for example, the word 'cooperation' might trigger similar words like 'partnership', 'joint', 'working together', 'sharing resources'. These are the words that readers will connect together.
Summarise and Sequence
In memos and letters there is usually one point where essential information is given. In the NGO letter this is the second paragraph. If this part is overloaded or unclear, the text will not succeed. As a writer you need to select and then present this key information in a way that will be easy to read.
When drafting, try to summarise and combine the main points for your reader. Build each paragraph around one main idea. A strong topic sentence at the start of a paragraph can act as a summary, preparing the reader for detail.
For example, a topic sentence like 'There are three main ways in which cooperation will benefit both organisations' can help make information easier to digest.
Tip: Think threes: three items of information in a paragraph is often effective!
The sequence of information may also be important. In the body of the letter, for example, it might be helpful to have three main points to explain the benefits of cooperation between the NGOs:
*sharing premises and transportation
*sharing costs
*communication with the local government.
But which order should these three points be presented in? Is one more important than the others? And can they be summarised in another way? For example: logistics, finance, communication.
Connect
when you have a fairly detailed draft and you are happy with the content, consider how the paragraphs will be connected. How will each paragraph begin? Linking words, sometimes called 'signposts', do a lot of work in writing. They give the reader a route map.
In this letter, good signposts to begin paragraphs might be:
'Further to....As.....Because of......Furthermore.....Given.....Therefore....'
Remember, these words can be changed later when you revise and edit.
Here are some talking points from this workshop. They could apply to writing in any situation where you do not know the audience very well and/or you need to be tactful about what you say.
Remember, however, that there is never just one way of getting a message across.
How do you start?
It's always useful to refer to a previous conversation, such as the phone call ('Following our phone conversation on 12 February....'), and give a brief phrase to introduce the topic ('the possibility of cooperation in Balanan'). It is also important to identify the purpose of the letter ('to propose a meeting to discuss'). It is best not to overload the first paragraph with lots of description or context.
An alternative is to start with the purpose of the letter (the meeting) and use the 'archive' (the phone call) to start the second paragraph.
How much background should you give?
In this letter, both sides are familiar with the civil war in Balanan so only a brief reference to the situation is needed. It is important to recognise the expertise of the audience and not 'talk down' to them. Rather than describe the situation, give some details about the proposing NGO's decision to resume work in the country and what its aims are.
Any background information should be designed to make way for the proposal about cooperation and not just be given for its own sake. However, some recognition of the work done by the other side - the refugee NGO - might help to get the reader interested in the proposal. This would require good research.
How do you use potentially sensitive information?
The reference to the Secretary General's speech could be viewed either positively or negatively, depending on the other side's views. In this case, where there is uncertainty, it is better to omit the reference or use it further down the letter as a secondary point. A reference like this is only useful if it backs up the main purpose of the letter - to propose cooperation.
For useful opening and closing phrases in memos, see the list of recommended UN phrases under 'Resources to Download'.
The sequence of information may also be important. In the body of the letter, for example, it might be helpful to have three main points to explain the benefits of cooperation between the NGOs:
*sharing premises and transportation
*sharing costs
*communication with the local government.
But which order should these three points be presented in? Is one more important than the others? And can they be summarised in another way? For example: logistics, finance, communication.
Connect
when you have a fairly detailed draft and you are happy with the content, consider how the paragraphs will be connected. How will each paragraph begin? Linking words, sometimes called 'signposts', do a lot of work in writing. They give the reader a route map.
In this letter, good signposts to begin paragraphs might be:
'Further to....As.....Because of......Furthermore.....Given.....Therefore....'
Remember, these words can be changed later when you revise and edit.
For a list of these transition words in English please see under 'Resources to Download'.
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Talking
Points on Drafting
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Talking
Points on Drafting Here are some talking points from this workshop. They could apply to writing in any situation where you do not know the audience very well and/or you need to be tactful about what you say.
Remember, however, that there is never just one way of getting a message across.
How do you start?
It's always useful to refer to a previous conversation, such as the phone call ('Following our phone conversation on 12 February....'), and give a brief phrase to introduce the topic ('the possibility of cooperation in Balanan'). It is also important to identify the purpose of the letter ('to propose a meeting to discuss'). It is best not to overload the first paragraph with lots of description or context.
An alternative is to start with the purpose of the letter (the meeting) and use the 'archive' (the phone call) to start the second paragraph.
How much background should you give?
In this letter, both sides are familiar with the civil war in Balanan so only a brief reference to the situation is needed. It is important to recognise the expertise of the audience and not 'talk down' to them. Rather than describe the situation, give some details about the proposing NGO's decision to resume work in the country and what its aims are.
Any background information should be designed to make way for the proposal about cooperation and not just be given for its own sake. However, some recognition of the work done by the other side - the refugee NGO - might help to get the reader interested in the proposal. This would require good research.
How do you use potentially sensitive information?
The reference to the Secretary General's speech could be viewed either positively or negatively, depending on the other side's views. In this case, where there is uncertainty, it is better to omit the reference or use it further down the letter as a secondary point. A reference like this is only useful if it backs up the main purpose of the letter - to propose cooperation.
For useful opening and closing phrases in memos, see the list of recommended UN phrases under 'Resources to Download'.
