Below are some examples of written assignments (memos, letters and proposals) from participants in previous workshops, with my comments. Thanks to the writers of these assignments for allowing their work to be shown on this site.
Memos
Example One
To: Staff Members
As web-based communication is becoming increasingly important, the SACT has discussed offering a web design course next year. To find out if there is sufficient interest in web design to justify a course in the training plan for next year, we need your feedback before 31 October.
The Web has opened new possibilities for external and internal communication. To exploit these possibilities, the Organisation has decided to enhance its web profile. To enable all staff members to contribute to the Organisation’s web profile, new skills need to be developed. The course proposed by the SACT would offer an opportunity to become familiar with the methods and tools of web design.
Please consider whether you would benefit from a course on web design and send an e-mail to the SACT (SACT@organisation.org) telling us if you would like to attend a course offered next year. Your views on the course content are also valuable. In order to have an impact on next year’s training plan, we need your response by 30 October.
We look forward to your feedback on the proposed web design course. Your input will help us making next year’s training plan fit your needs.
Rob's comments: This memo is effective because the first paragraph does so much work without confusing the reader. The author states not only the main subject but also the purpose of the communication. The memo opens with a brief phrase which immediately establishes the wider context, preparing the reader for the details in the second paragraph. Also, the subject line is concise and accurate. A lot of information is therefore communicated in the first 50 words or so.
The second paragraph is based on two key links. The writer first links company policy to the wider world of web communication. He then links that policy to individual staff members. The paragraph follows on well from number one as it identifies a need for new skills. Note how the writer of the memo combines short and long sentences in this paragraph.
Paragraph three is the action request. Here the feedback information is clear and the reader is motivated to respond. The link between getting staff feedback and the budget plan is made clear, but not over-stated. The final short paragraph provides a motivating ending which looks forward. This is an effective and dynamic memo. It may look easy, but behind this kind of writing - concise but also interesting - lies good planning.
Example Two
From: Staff Advisory Committee on Training (SACT)
Following the recent meeting of the SACT, we would like to propose to offer a training on web-based writing and design to all staff members. We need to get your feedback on this issue, which will reflect on the public face of the organisation.
Management has the intention of using the funds available to expand the internet and intranet facilities of the organisation in the coming year. Referring to internal memorandum M/INS/OPB/654321/06 of 1 October 2006, all departments have been asked to create their own pages on the intranet. We would like to see as many staff members as possible professionally skilled for this purpose and therefore training sessions are needed.
The one-day seminar which was organised last year was a big success. However, it was just a general training. This course will include learning html, web design skills and technical applications. Please keep in mind that at this time it does not include programming.
SACT looks forward to receiving any comments and/or suggestions by close of business on Friday 20 October 2006. Please contact Ms Moreno and Ms Nicolaï in case you have any questions.
Rob's comments: Once again, the writers of the memo identify the 'big news' - the topic and the purpose - in the first paragraph. They also use a motivational phrase - 'will reflect on the public face of the organisation' - to get the reader's attention.
The second paragraph moves from company policy to staff training needs. The order of the sentences here is effective as it puts the emphasis on professional skills needed for the future. They use an archive sentence to refer to a previous memo. This is fine, but brackets could be used here ('see internal memo.....') so that the sentence could begin with 'all departments' and perhaps sound less administrative. The first sentence has 'Management' as its subject. It might be better to use 'The Organisation'.
The action request is clear and the reader has a good picture of what the training will involve. The last paragraph could look forward a bit more, explaining how the feedback will be of value in the proposal.
The NGO Letter
Example Three:
Example Five
Memos
Example OneTo: Staff Members
From: SACT
Subject: Request for Feedback on Proposed Web Design Course
As web-based communication is becoming increasingly important, the SACT has discussed offering a web design course next year. To find out if there is sufficient interest in web design to justify a course in the training plan for next year, we need your feedback before 31 October.
The Web has opened new possibilities for external and internal communication. To exploit these possibilities, the Organisation has decided to enhance its web profile. To enable all staff members to contribute to the Organisation’s web profile, new skills need to be developed. The course proposed by the SACT would offer an opportunity to become familiar with the methods and tools of web design.
Please consider whether you would benefit from a course on web design and send an e-mail to the SACT (SACT@organisation.org) telling us if you would like to attend a course offered next year. Your views on the course content are also valuable. In order to have an impact on next year’s training plan, we need your response by 30 October.
We look forward to your feedback on the proposed web design course. Your input will help us making next year’s training plan fit your needs.
Rob's comments: This memo is effective because the first paragraph does so much work without confusing the reader. The author states not only the main subject but also the purpose of the communication. The memo opens with a brief phrase which immediately establishes the wider context, preparing the reader for the details in the second paragraph. Also, the subject line is concise and accurate. A lot of information is therefore communicated in the first 50 words or so.
The second paragraph is based on two key links. The writer first links company policy to the wider world of web communication. He then links that policy to individual staff members. The paragraph follows on well from number one as it identifies a need for new skills. Note how the writer of the memo combines short and long sentences in this paragraph.
Paragraph three is the action request. Here the feedback information is clear and the reader is motivated to respond. The link between getting staff feedback and the budget plan is made clear, but not over-stated. The final short paragraph provides a motivating ending which looks forward. This is an effective and dynamic memo. It may look easy, but behind this kind of writing - concise but also interesting - lies good planning.
Example TwoFrom: Staff Advisory Committee on Training (SACT)
Subject: Proposal for a Web-Based Writing and Design Training Courses
Following the recent meeting of the SACT, we would like to propose to offer a training on web-based writing and design to all staff members. We need to get your feedback on this issue, which will reflect on the public face of the organisation.
Management has the intention of using the funds available to expand the internet and intranet facilities of the organisation in the coming year. Referring to internal memorandum M/INS/OPB/654321/06 of 1 October 2006, all departments have been asked to create their own pages on the intranet. We would like to see as many staff members as possible professionally skilled for this purpose and therefore training sessions are needed.
The one-day seminar which was organised last year was a big success. However, it was just a general training. This course will include learning html, web design skills and technical applications. Please keep in mind that at this time it does not include programming.
SACT looks forward to receiving any comments and/or suggestions by close of business on Friday 20 October 2006. Please contact Ms Moreno and Ms Nicolaï in case you have any questions.
Rob's comments: Once again, the writers of the memo identify the 'big news' - the topic and the purpose - in the first paragraph. They also use a motivational phrase - 'will reflect on the public face of the organisation' - to get the reader's attention.
The second paragraph moves from company policy to staff training needs. The order of the sentences here is effective as it puts the emphasis on professional skills needed for the future. They use an archive sentence to refer to a previous memo. This is fine, but brackets could be used here ('see internal memo.....') so that the sentence could begin with 'all departments' and perhaps sound less administrative. The first sentence has 'Management' as its subject. It might be better to use 'The Organisation'.
The action request is clear and the reader has a good picture of what the training will involve. The last paragraph could look forward a bit more, explaining how the feedback will be of value in the proposal.
The NGO Letter
Example Three:
Dear Mr. Smith,
Further to our telephone conversation of 8th November 2006 I would like to invite you to a meeting to discuss the establishment of a joint office in Balan.
We had an office in Balan which closed down due to the conflict in 1994. Now we would like to re-establish our presence there in order to provide the necessary support to the targeted population which suffered throughout the conflict.
However, we believe that the efficiency will increase considerably if we join our efforts with an organisation of your stature and proficiency. We believe that our experience in the field of human rights and your experience in the field of refugees’ rights is a combination that would benefit the people of Balan.
Therefore, we are offering cooperation in logistics, sharing of premises and equipment in the field, and personnel issues. Furthermore, we feel that we should join our efforts in facing the common issues, such as seeking permission from the new Balanan government and lobbying the UN and world governments.
We would like to invite you to discuss these and other related issues at our premises by the end of November. If you agree, my secretary will contact you during the week in order to arrange a meeting at the date and time suitable for you.
We believe that the establishment of the joint office would mean a better future for the people of Balan and we hope that you share our views on the said subject. Thank you for your attention in this matter and I look forward hearing from you soon.
Yours sincerely,Mr A. Brown
Rob's comments: The strong point of this letter is the appeal to the reader in the middle section, paragraphs 2-4. After a businesslike start mentioning the phone call, the purpose of the letter and the main topic, the writers use these three paragraphs to establish the idea of a joint office but without setting a definite agenda.
The pronouns used in the letter contribute to this effect. Note how the letter moves between writer-oriented statements using 'we' ('we had an office...we would like to re-establish'), reader-oriented statements using 'your' ('your experience in the field of refugees..') and combined writer-reader statements using 'our' ('join our efforts'). This combination sets the scene for a working partnership between two organisations. It's a good start, anyway!
The letter could be edited towards the end. The phrase 'on the said subject' is a weak sentence ending and could be deleted or made more proactive: '...we look forward to hearing your views on this proposal'.
Exa
mple Four
mple Four
Dear Mr. Brown,
Following our recent phone conversation, I am proposing a meeting to discuss the different areas in which our two organisations can cooperate in Balan.
“NGO for Human Rights” was in Balan for __ years. We were active in helping human rights victims through advocacy and reminding the government, rebels and citizenry to respect the basic human rights. Unfortunately, we had to leave when the war broke out in 1994. Our goal now is to resume our work in Balan.
We are proposing that both our organizations work together. Working together could have considerable benefits to both our organizations. We could, for example, share premises and operational costs. We could secure better communications with the Balanan government. We could make more effective representations to world governments and the UN for financial assistance. Finally, by sharing our organizations’ expertise on the human rights and refugee assistance, we could make the reconstruction project in Balanan more effective.
My office will be contacting your office next week to arrange a date for the meeting. We would be happy to provide for the venue.
I look forward to working with “NGO for Refugee Assistance” for a better Balanan.
Yours sincerely,
Rob's Comments: This letter has a good structure and tone. The opening paragraph is business-like and establishes the archive, the purpose and the main topic in one concise sentence. The second paragraph gives the background history but this is kept as brief as possible. The writer ends the paragraph with a short sentence about the NGO's key objective.
The third paragraph outlines the areas of possible cooperation. It begins with another short and concise sentence and then gives a series of examples, attempting to build a relationship with the other NGO while also stating a position. The writer uses 'we could' as a suggestive way of proposing ideas, as opposed to 'we will'. The writer links human rights and refugees - the two concerns of the NGOs - effectively.
The next paragraph is the request for action. This is where the letter could be improved. The invitation needs to be more proactive. Remember that the other side have not yet agreed to the meeting. A better strategy would be to suggest a possible date and venue, offer hospitality, and then propose further telephone contact next week.
Grant Proposals
Example Five
The Landmine Education Trust is a non-profit organisation , providing support to the survivors of the ten-year civil war in the kingdom of Balanan. The Trust is seeking a sum of $100,000 to invest in landmine awareness training programmes, needed to minimize the number of potential victims of land mines in the country.
Landmines cause lasting damage over years after the end of hostilities, leaving thousands of people with life-long injuries. In 2004 landmine explosions took away the lives of 20,000 people and incapacitated 50, 000 people globally. The current situation in Balanan requires urgent action. The civil war has claimed 100, 000 lives and continues to disrupt the country’s peaceful present – now in the form of half a million of unexploded landmines, scattered over the island. Mine- clearing campaign, launched by the UN Peacekeeping mission ( UNIBAL) in 2005, resulted so far in disabling less than 5 % of mines. Thus, the importance of preventive measures and mine awareness training cannot be overestimated both by the international community and the local population.
The Land Mine Education Trust ( LET), established by an international group of doctors in 1978 to provide support to landmine victims, is currently active in landmine education in post- conflict areas ( Guatemala, Angola, East Timor, Bosnia). The Trust has developed and tested in the field training programmes for various groups of population, including very young children, the most vulnerable category of victims.
An advance team from LET has established the first training centre in Balanan this year and is planning to expand its activities. The main tasks for the nearest future are :
i. Cooperate with UNIBAL in mine- searching and advise local farming communities on the area safety
ii. Obtain support from the local community leaders in establishing training centres, that will be fully equipped and maintained by LET
iii. Identify and teach volunteers for “ train the trainers” programmes
iv. In cooperation with Doctors for Mental Health provide First Aid training and post-traumatic psychological rehabilitation programmes
The Landmine Education Trust is requesting a sum of $ 100, 000 to continue its landmine awareness education campaign in Balanan which is of primary importance for the country.
